Heartbroken Once More
by mrs.madelaine belikov
Summary: Rose Hathaway thought everything was perfect. She had everything she wanted, but something went terribly wrong and she did what she knew how to do best. Run away. But she didn't run away by herself,4 yrs later her past and future clash. I DON'T OWN VA!
1. The Beginning Of The End

I knew it wouldn't last long, but I didn't think it would end up like this. I didn't want us to burn out, I tried my hardest, I really did, but apparently I wasn't enough for him. Or her. Todays my wedding, but it doesn't feel right, not after knowing he's been cheating on me, with none other then my best friend, the queen Vasilisa Dragomir. God, I can't even say her name without wanting to puke. Not only her but with Scarlet Ozera, Christian's cousin. I'm disgusted with all three of them.

"Hurry up Rose! You don't want to be late for your wedding day, do you?" Lissa asks me.

"No of course not Lissa," I reply a little to bit sarcastically. What makes this whole situation even worse is knowing I'm pregnant, twins actually. Also everybody knew Dimitri has been cheating on me, except me, of course. I feel bad for Christian when he finds out. I confronted Adrian about the whole situation. He told me "Karmas a bitch huh?" yes it is, it is indeed. I feel sympathy through the bond. Not Lissa though, Sonya Karp, my old teacher. I committed suicide a week after I found about them, jumped off a cliff, Sonya brought me back. Luckily the twins were safe.

"Its time Rose," I sigh and look at Sonya. I'm doing this for the babies, I remind myself. Right. He doesn't even know. But that doesn't stop the pain, the betrayal, or the anger I feel right now. Abe comes in and tells me how beautiful I look. I still don't know if either he or mom know what _they_ have been doing. I can't think about either. Coming from my friends hurts. A lot. But coming from my parents. Unacceptable.

I walk down the isle and look at him. He looks gorgeous, but then again so does Lissa and well, Scarlet. We get there and he tells Abe he'll take good care of me. I scoff at that. And then he tells me I look beautiful, but those words don't longer make me feel all giddy. They anger me and hurt me. Yet I remind myself that I do in fact look beautiful. The bottom of the dress comes in ruffles and covers up my feet. At the waist there's a rose made out of silk. The corset makes my boobs look a hell lot bigger. My hair is done in a side pony tail that's curled, with a red rose stuck behind my ears. I don't have a lot of make up on but enough, my lips are a light pink, I have a little bit of blush, eyeliner, and grey eye shadow, and that's it.

We say our vows and he hesitates before putting the ring on, to look at Lissa! Yet I don't stop the ceremony. Stupid, I know. I catch him glancing at Scarlet as she blows him a kiss! I can't do this, no I can, but I won't. I throw the ring at his face and tell him loud enough, "Swallow me and then spit me out? I don't think so Dimitri. I'm not your toy. I'm not Lissa or Scarlet." I turn around to look at Lissa.

"Everything I've done for you just wasn't enough. You just had to take everything away from right? God Lissa I've _died_ for you!" and I throw the bouquet at her. "You're lucky you're the queen or you'd be on the floor already." I ran out and throw my veil at Scarlet, "You can keep him, bitch." And I ran, people try to stop me but they can't and they better not. I ran to Sonya's apartment, strip the dress down, put in a bag and get my suitcases. Huh. I guess she knew what'd I do in then end. I get all of my suitcases into a Honda. Geez, a Honda out of all cars. Life hates me. Then I hear a voice say, "Don't go. Please. Not without me." None other than Christian. "You knew?"

"Yes, and like you I stayed hoping it'd end." I notice he has a suitcase with him. I nod my head at him and he gets in. I tell him everything and he tells me he didn't know about Dimitri, we board a plane to Italy. Florence actually. Ironic that's where we had planned on spending our honeymoon. As we settled on, I can't stop but think. "_Here I am once again torn into pieces."_

(1 YEAR LATER)

It's only been a year. And a lot has happened. I had twins; Mason Dimitri Hathaway older by 3 minutes followed by Diandra Melissa Hathaway. I live in this cottage like house that has 10 rooms, 7 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, 2 living rooms, and a pool. I live with the twins, Christian, Mikhail, Sonya, with their baby boy Jack, Kelly (a moroi), her guardians, Mathew and Patrick, along with her Dhampir brother, Dominic Salvatore. They are amazing people and own a karaoke bar. I'm as happy as I can be. A month ago I was kidnapped by strigoi. It was horrible; no one really knows what happened only that I escaped barely alive. I have nightmares everyday about it and about _them _too. Christians been very helpful through it all, Dominic too.

Although he can be very annoying he's handsome. Blonde messy hair, blue eyes that are real sapphires unlike Christian's lighter ones. But I have a constant reminder of because Mason is like seeing Dimitri, the eyes and hair. Although just 3 months, he acts like his father, while Diandra is me all over again. I don't know how I'm still alive, I can barely breathe, I can't sleep or eat, I'm barely hanging on. But like Chris says at least I'm still here.


	2. Love Once More

My name is no longer Rosemarie Hathaway; it is now Katarina Rossi a.k.a Kat. Christian didn't want to change his name but I did. The kids are still Hathaway though. I'm supposed to be getting ready for this masquerade we're going to. By me I mean Kelly and her 2 guardians, the rest are staying home. I put on my black floor-length strapless dress that has a cut leading up to my thigh. I get downstairs and get wolf whistles.

"Looking good sexy,'' Christian tells me. That's our routine, he calls me sexy, and I call him babe. We leave to the masquerade. At the beginning im bored, then I meat this handsome moroi with messy hair and emerald green eyes. We start flirting, leading up to making out, which then leas to having sex. Without protection. I have a tattoo on my back, near my butt, with a rose and a tombstone. He has a rose in his chest saying 'Lil Dhampir'. Oh shit. I ask his name. Sure enough it's Adrian Ivashkov himself. I run out and go home. I cry myself to sleep and the next day I don't have a choice but to tell them what happened.

Nine months later I give birth to Adriana Xenia Hathaway Ivashkov. By then I'm already engaged to Dominic. He's amazing and makes me feel safe and complete. Also the only one who can block my past and save me from myself. We get married a month later, it was beautiful. Sonya was maid of honor and Christian was the best man. My dress was all white and strapless, simple. At our wedding he sang "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Apparatus, and I cried.

Five months later I find myself pregnant again with twins. The twins are already 2 years old by the time I give birth to the other twins. Adriana is a yr. old; she's the spitting image of Adrian. It's all him, not me at all. She even runs her hand through her hair when frustrated and she's only one!

My second pair of twins are blonde and have their father's eyes. But my nose and lips, the perfect match. The boy is Dominic Christian Salvatore Hathaway and the girl is Elena Sonya Salvatore Hathaway. The twins aren't his first kids. He has a 4 yr. old boy named Daniel. He's blonde with hazel eyes close to my eye color. Then there's Annabelle brown hair like mine with the hazel eyes. They could easily pass as mine and they do. Their last name is Rossi Salvatore, their mother died when Belle was born, and they consider me their mother. Daniel's already at the academy, Belle will follow him in 18 months.

I am completely happy. I won't lie, I still have nightmares, but every time I wake up Dominic's there. Christian has tried dating but he just can't. He still loves Lissa. We try our best not to mix too much in the Moroi world. Everyone at the house knows about my past and they don't talk about. I plan on keeping it like that.

But there's something that makes me think about my life. Dominic, although Italian has the same dad as Dimitri, he's a yr younger then him, and he was also strigoi for 3 days. He's so much like him it scares me. He calls me his angel and even tattoed himself. I did too. His name on my shoulder saying, 'My guardian angel,Dominic' with wings and a halo. I have Christian's name too on my other shoulder saying, 'My Angel, Christian'. Adrian's name was added on my tattoo on my back. For Dimitri was a broken heart, bleeding on my hip. Also on one forearm I have 'Fatal Beauty' and on the other one, 'Fatal Attraction'. On my arm theres a red rose and a black one too. They were meant to take away the attention from my scars from when I cut myself and from when I was kidnapped.

For now all I know is I love Dominic. He's my world, my everything. He completes me. After Dimitri I didn't think I could love again,but I was wrong.


	3. All Hell's Going To Break Lose

Three months since the strigoi attack that killed Dominic. The twins are now 9 months. And I'm a total mess again, but worse. The nightmares are back. He was the only one who could block my pass, but he is gone because of me. His neck was snapped in front of me, he was trying to save me, like Mason. I haven't talked since the attack; I don't eat, or sleep. Basically like last time, when i found out Dimitri. His last words were, "Love you my angel." His eyes went blank and I gave out an agonizing scream. It was terrible and I keep seeing it when I close my eyes. I committed suicide again. Sonya saved me once more; the bond is now both ways.

I'm a robot now, I don't know for how long but I am.

(3 months later)

The twins are now a year old, Belle is at the academy, and it's been 3 years since I stopped being Rose Hathaway. Six months since I went back to Katarina Rossi, leaving no hope that he might still be alive, and I have to get used to the idea that I'm a widow now. I'm getting better now too; I sleep, eat, and I smile a little too. I've moved on, but don't get me wrong. I still love Dominic I always will, but for my own good I have to put him in the past. I'm trying to move on and Dominic as a ghost suggested Chris. I'm still thinking about it and so is he. It's hard but I'm holding on.

Oh my…. I just found out I'm pregnant. And its Christian's. We had sex while drunk, we don't really regret it but still. I slept with my ex-best friend's ex-bf. I am a hypocrite.

"It's true Chris. Im 1 month pregnant," I tell him again.

"Wow, I'm going to be a dad! Thanks Kat!" Well, that was…unexpected to say the least.

"Uh, ok?" Surprisingly everyone's excited. Another baby on the way, even Kelly's excited. She was the one telling me over and over again that even though its only been 7 months, it's time to let go. And I have, but in a way I'll always hold on to his memory. "I want a girl. They're more fun," Chris says aloud. He's grinning at me like an idiot, and suddenly I am too.

(8 months later)

I just gave birth to Katherine Madeleine Ozera Hathaway. She's beautiful. She has black, curly hair, with the Ozera trademark eyes. ''She's beautiful…" Chris whispers as I hold her in my arms. "I know," is all I can say. When I get to take her home, Chris has her at all times, singing to her, kissing her. It's adorable really. Look at me getting all softy.

"You're going to spoil her, babe," I tell him a week after she's born.

"Well she's mine. What do you expect?" and I laugh, because it's true.

(9 months later. 4 years since she's seen them.)

"Ugh, Chris. You're spoiling her too much!" I whine again for the 50th time. We just went shopping and half of the bags were for her, and she's not even a year old. Chris just waves me off and laughs.

"You're just jealous," and I scoff, because I mean, really?

"Of what, exactly?" I mean, she's my daughter!

"That I love her more then I love you," and he winks. That did it. Everybody burst out laughing.

"So not true!" I yell at him. "Its only because she's getting more stuff and attention then me!" and its my turn to wink. Ever since she was born she took the spotlight. When the others where born there was always another baby, not this time. Everybody laughed even harder. Andi (Diandra) comes over and says, "Mommy's right Chrissie. Not even mommy is the princess! The world has gone mad!" and she runs off with the other kids. She can be a little dramatic sometimes. Who am I kidding? She's a drama queen! We all just shake our heads at her.

"She's right, you know? " Kelly says.

"I know…" I answer wistfully.

"Awe, don't worry sexy. I'll always love you," oh Chris. What am I going to with him?

"Umm, Katy?" asks Sonya. Through the bond I can tell something's wrong.

"Yes?" I answer. I'm scared, she's blocking me.

"Everyone's coming to the bar for karaoke night." She answers after a moment of silence.

"Everyone? Define, Sonya." I ask tentatively. I already know the answer; I just want to hear it from her.

"The queen, Guardian Belikov, Lady Ozera, Eddie, Mia, Adrian, Jill, and your parents. Along with Sydney but you knew that already." So it's true, they're coming. Shit, oh well. About time. Ah, Sydney. I kept in touch with her. She comes every summer and Christmas. The kids call her 'Aunt Syd'.

But my thoughts bring me back to: Lissa, Dimitri, and Scarlet. They were coming. Not good. I looked over at Chris who was paler then usual, frozen in place with a look of terror matching mine.

They were coming, and they are going to ruin everything I built for myself, Chris, and the kids. And I had a feeling hell is going to break lose.


	4. Life Hates Me

**I don't own VA, unfortunately. = (it makes me sad, but oh well. Review please! Lol I want to say thanks to my very 1****st**** reviewer vafolife123! =D **

I head to the stage while Chris heads back to their table. He takes a seat next to Sydney and gives me a nod. I tell the Dj what song I want and the song begins. "Behind These Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson. I look straight at their table and find Dimitri. He hasn't changed he still looks sexy as ever. I actually want to go over there and punch him in the face, but I won't I'll show him I have self-control.

_Seems like just yesterday you were a part of me_

_I used to stand so tall _

_I used to be so strong_

_Your arms around me tight, everything, it felt so right._

_Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong. _

_Now I can't breathe, no, I can't sleep, I'm barely hanging on._

_Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend. _

_Just thought you were the one. _I look directly at Dimitri when I say that.

_Broken up deep inside but you won't get to see the tears I cry behind these hazel eyes._

_(_I skip some of the song)

_Swallow me then me out, _when I sing this He grimaces cause that's what I told him before I ran away

The song ends and I tell everyone ill be singing 2 more songs.

I sing "Cry" by Rihanna, _I'm not the type to get heartbroken I'm not the type to get upset and cry._

_Cause I never leave my heart open, it never hurts me to say goodbye_

_Relationships don't get deep to me_

_Never got the whole in love thing _

_My mind is gone I'm spinning around _

_And deep inside my tears ill drown…._ Once I finish with that song I move on and sing "Stronger" by Jordyn Taylor.

When I'm done I go to the table and everyone stares at me "I didn't know you knew how to sing R-Cat" Mia says, I smile and answer her. "I know," the truth was that when I first came here I discovered I actually knew how to sing. If I didn't have kids I would probably join a band.

More silence follows until Mia says, "I've missed you Rose. And no, I won't call you Cat because I met you as Rose Hathaway." I know she's right, but this is my new life. Al I can do is nod my head and say, "I've missed you too, Mia and Jill," it was mean, I know, but I felt betrayed by the others. And this was one way of showing it. Jill finally talks and smiles, "Oh me too! Did you know I'm engaged to Adrian? Crazy, I know! But I love him," she says is a rush. I almost choke on my own saliva.

Wait, what? Engaged? No, oh god. How am I supposed to tell him now about Adriana now? Great, could it get any better? "Oh, well, umm, th-that's um great Jill. Congrats." Chris eyes me and I nod my head telling him I'm ok. "Yeah, that's great Jill. Congrats, to the both of you," Christian says.

"Thanks," both Adrian and Jill say in unison. A little voice in my head, well no actually, Sonya tells me through the bond, "_Well, what did you expect? You did tell him to move on, and Adriana was an accident. You didn't even know it was him, but you do have to tell him…"_ ugh, thanks Sonya that really helps. Note the sarcasm, please.

"How long have you two been together Christian?" an annoying voice asks. Ahh! I want to kill her. No, scratch that. I _will_ kill her! "Not long Scarlet. Only a year. Why?" "_Calm down, you're not going to kill her. She's Christian's cousin," _Sonya tries to calm me down through the bond. I then, notice both Lissa and Adrian are eyeing me. Perfect, now they know. "Oh no, just asking. Guess what?" silence. "What?" "Oh, Christian! After you left I started dating Dimitri! I'm pregnant and we're getting married."

This time I did choke. I cleared my throat and like the real Rose Hathaway I said, "You sure he's not cheating on you, too?" Christian elbows me and glares at me. And I laugh, I mean I _really_ laugh. So hard I'm crying. Everyone is now staring at me like I'm crazy. Which of course, I am. I look up to meet Dimitri's chocolate brown eyes. And there's something in his eyes, I can't figure out. He turns to look at Lissa, who's also staring at me. I glare at her. It's then that I notice she has a girl who's around the twin's age with blonde hair and brown eyes. _His_ brown eyes.

Oh god, they had a kid right after we left. Christian also notices. I'm about to say something because the tension right now could be cut with a knife. That's when Sonya appears, throws me a glance and says, "They're here Cat," I look at her and nod. I can't say anything, I'm shocked and all the pain, anger, and betrayal that I kept hidden came up to the surface. I get up from the table, disoriented and say, "Excuse me, I'll be right back. Chris you coming?" he nods, unable to say anything like me cause really. We did not expect this at all. We practically run away from the table. We go outside and meet Daniel and Belle.

They run up to me and hug me. "Mom! Omg we've missed!" Belle says. "Yes! We have, Belle couldn't stop talking about seeing you again," and I laugh and give them a kiss both. "Here come inside. Aunt Syd is here." They run inside and I'm about to go inside too when Chris grabs my arm." How are you doing? And don't say fine, I know you better than that Rose," he never calls me Rose unless he's really worried. I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile, "Holding on, surprised. Every emotion possible. You?"

He sighs, "The same. They had a kid. Together. And now he's going to marry my cousin! It's too much to take in." he's right, it's overwhelming, but we've already been through it. "Let's just head in and act like it didn't faze us. Give them a show!" he laughs and I grin. I start walking but he yanks me back. "What?" he grams my arms and it's then that I notice. I'd dug my nails into arms, creating scratches and drawing blood. I expected him to yell at me, but instead he hugged me really hard and kissed my forehead. He cleaned the blood with a napkin he grabbed from his black skinny jeans. I noticed he was wearing blue Vans with a light blue polo that brought out his eye color. I had to admit he was handsome. I didn't realize I'd been smiling until he smirked at me and asked, "Why are you smiling?" and I blushed_. Blushed!_ I could hear Sonya laughing in my head. "Oh, umm, nothing." _Real smooth._ What's happening to me?

We walked back in and we see Belle in Sydney's lap. She looks up as we near and says, "I met grandpa and grandma! I like them and the queen too!" I smile at her. "How many kids did you have?" asks Eddie in disbelief, which makes me laugh. "Enough," and I shrug.

I'm getting tired and I want to go home. The thing is we're all going back together. They will all be staying at _my_ house for a whole week. Life really does hate me.


	5. Did She Really Say That?

**I don't own VA! =( or Adrian or Dimitri, god that sucks. Anyways read and review plz! Pretty plz with a cherry on top! =D **

**Also know that I know Rose has a lot of kids…I guess that's just me loving kids. At the beginning I only thought of her having kids with Dimitri then I thought about Adrian then Dominic came into the picture, so yeah. I know it's a lil bit weird, but that's how my brain works. Sorry =/ i know I'm not very descriptive, i'm working on that too.**

_Beep! Beep! Beep! _Ugh! Stupid alarm clock, I grab it and throw it across the room. I hear Chris yell, "Cat! Get your big ass down here!" and I laugh. I go downstairs thinking about the very bad dream I had last night, where all of my old friends with my parents had come to the bar. And Dimitri and Lissa had a girl and Dimitri was engaged to Scarlet. God that was horrible.

I go into the kitchen and go over and kiss Chris in the cheek. "Hey babe, I had this really bad dream where-"I was cut off by my mom saying, "Good morning Rose," wait, my mom? That means last night wasn't a dream. "Hey sexy," Chris finally says. But I ignore him because I'm too busy staring at Dimitri. He was wearing blue faded jeans with a black polo, his hair tied neat behind his back. And hes staring at me back, checking me out? That's when i notice I'm still in my pj's that show half of my ass and boobs. Crap, I blush. Geez, what is up with me? "Little Girl, I believe your mother just talked to you," I roll my eyes at Abe. "Yeah, so? What's your point Old Man?" but he just shakes his head at me.

"Rose, I would, umm, like to talk to you later?" Lissa half asked, half demanded.

"Actually no," she's surprised. I mean did she really expect for me to see her again and hug her? She really is naïve. "Why?" Have some self-control, Rose I remind myself. Instead of punching her like I wanted I laugh. I look up to see her. "Oh, you were serious? Wow, look if we were to talk alone I'd probably start beating you. Why don't we just stay as far away from each other as possible? You too Belikov and Lady Ozera." My mom has a look of disbelief, my dads amused go figure, and Eddie is just looking at me like he doesn't even know me. Mia and Jill are grimacing while Adrian is looking away from me. Dimitri, Scarlet, and Lissa are just staring at me like I'm an alien and Chris is actually laughing. "What?"

"That's no way of talking to the queen Rose!" my mother says. Oh hell's no! She did not just say that. I take a step forward Chris tries to stop me, and Sonya who's now in the room with Mikhail sends through the bond, _"Not worth it Rose. Please?" _I shake my head. It's too late.

"Look, I have no reason to keep you guys here; I'm only doing this cause Sonya asked me to. And you will not come into my home and tell me that's no way to talk to the queen. Cause oh, so help god, mom, I _will_ kick you out of my house!" I say in a low voice.

"Rosemarie! She's the queen!"

"Are you forgetting something? She betrayed me! Or is it ok because _she's the queen?"_ I spat out. She's about to say something, but I cut her off. I am not done. "God mom, she was _fucking_ my fiancé, after everything I did for her! So no, I will not stand here and let her get away with this! She destroyed my life, so if you think I'm going to stand here and be all nice to her cause she's the queen, you're fucking wrong!" I yell with as much venom as I can. "You have to put that in the past!" did she just say that? Oh no. "No I don't have to. I hate her, I hate Dimitri, I hate Scarlet, and I hate _you_ for taking her side." She flinches when I say that. "You have no idea what it was like _Janine,_"

"Cat, that's enough honey," Sonya says soothingly. I nod my head. "Mommy, are we going to go visit daddy?" Elena asks me from where she's standing at the doorway. Shit, I forgot. Today I was supposed to take them to the cemetery to visit Dominic. "Yes, sweetie, go on tell your brothers and sister. We'll be leaving soon," I tell her without taking my eyes off of my mom. I'm mad, no I'm fucking pissed. How dare she?

"Chris, you stay with the kids ok? I'll go with Daniel, Belle, Dominic, and Elena."

"Sure," I go up to my room and take a shower. I put on black booty shorts, with a red, strapless, tight shirt. I put on my red flats, red lip-stick and black eyeliner. I straighten out my hair and let it fall over my shoulders. I get downstairs and say goodbye to Chris and Kelly who are in the kitchen. On my way out I pass the living room where they are at, but I don't give them a second glance.

**Hmmm….I don't know. Should she forgive them? **


	6. Never Again

**Thxz to Olivia Williams! Lol hope this answers some of your questions…. =) **

**Read and Review! Don't own VA! God that's so sad.**

After we go to the cemetery and I shed a few tears we head home. I need to have a word with Sonya. When we get home everyone is in the living room watching a movie, through the bond I tell Sonya I need to speak with her. We head out to garden, and I ask her, "Why? And don't even act innocent," she looks at me and after a while she answers. "She's the queen, and you need to talk with her and Dimitri, Rose. You need to forgive and forget. Then there's the twins and Adriana, you need to tell them! I love you Rose, you know that. Which is why I'm telling you this, your anger, hatred, and all that pain, they need to go away if you want to be happy. And you also need talk about somebody about what happened during the month you were kidnapped. You're not the same anymore."

I look at her and I realize she's right. But I'm not ready to forgive them or forget about it. I don't think I even want to. "You're killing me here Sonya. I understand, I guess. Just give me time," she nods and what she tells me next freezes me. "Ever thought it was the darkness? Or hell, maybe even compulsion? Maybe there's something more to this. I'm not asking you to get back with him, or to be best friends with her again. Just ask, I have a feeling there's more to this then meets the eyes," and she walks away, leaving me there standing like an idiot.

"Roza?" a beautiful, soft, Russian voice asks. I turn around and sure enough, Dimitri is standing in front of me.

"What do you want?" I ask in a whisper. I look up at him.

"Forgive me, Rose. What I did was wrong, and I regret it. I want you back." Did he really say that? Dammit. Something in me snapped. "You want me to take you back? After you fucked my best friend and Scarlet while we were together? Are you nuts? You're crazy if you think I'm going to take you back," I spat.

"Rose I just want to give you an explanation. That wasn't me!" unbelievable! "Then who? Santa Claus? How stupid do you think I am?"

"I didn't mean it like that! Everything I say, you turn it around!"

"You know what? I hope that ring you gave her turns her finger green, I hope when your in bed with her, you think of me. It was you who chose to end like you did. She may believe you, but I never will. Never again. Never again will I miss you, take you back, never again will i love you. (**I used some phrases from "Never again" by Kelly Clarkson. I might have her sing that soon too, during karaoke. What do u think?) **By the way, I found your letter too," I loved the expression on his face. When I left I found a letter directed to me. I never read it cause I knew what it said. "I never read it because I knew exactly what it would say. Also, I hope it hurts to know I'll never be there," and with that I walked away from him, again.

**what did u guys think?**


	7. DPOV

**R&R! I don't VA! =( thxz 4 all the reviews! They make me giddy hehehe =D**

**DPOV **

Her words stung and I knew she was right. I deserved them, every single one of them and more. I was wondering if she would hit me. That would have been better then her words. I stayed there for a while, thinking. What have I done? I now know I'll she'll never forgive me. What I did with Lissa I'll always regret, but never what came out of it; Rosalie. She was beautiful. But there was always that thought where I wish it was mine and Rose's and after that thought another one would always follow. "Did I still love her?" and the answer would always vary. Then there was my kid with Scarlet who I loved too.

There was not one day that didn't go by without guilt from what I had done to her. The thing was that I didn't know why I did it. I felt under compulsion, but under whose? God all of this was so complicated. I called my grandmother, she told me to give her time, but how much? Thankfully my family would be here soon. Maybe they could help me out with my Roza.

"Dimka?" a voice said, I turned around to look at my fiancée, Scarlet. I loved her but Rose was always behind that thought, tugging at my mind. "Yeah?" she looks at me with a sad expression, "You still love her don't you?" I could lie to her but I don't want to. "I don't know Scarlet, I'm really confused," she nods and heads back inside. Lissa comes out, I don't hate her because, well we're both at fault. And she's had it hard. Some dhampir call her a whore, other moroi can't believe she would do that. Everyone was disappointed in her that caused a lot of pain. And me? Well I became the Asshole of the century and Lissa the Bitch of the century. We're both guilty and although we both love Rosalie, we lost someone we both loved a lot too.

"Christian and Rose," she says. "Yeah, don't know what to make out of it," I tell her honestly.

"Dimitri, I think I know why we did what we did," she tells me. "How?"

"Someone used compulsion on us! I don't know who though," huh. That makes sense. "They'll never come back with us," I muse out loud. She gives me a sad smile, "I know, all I want is their forgiveness," and I realize I do too. This is all messed up. I just want to find out who did this to kick their ass.

Lissa goes back in. I can tell she's in a lot pain about this whole situation, but then again who isn't?

**LPOV coming soon!**

**Xxx stay tuned in! and i know its short, sorry kinda running out of ideas!**


	8. Father and Daughter

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Also this chapter will be short, but I promise the next one won't and it'll have some kickass drama and action.**

**Anyways, enjoy and review! **

I got told last night after my little run in with Dimitri that his family was coming for a visit. They're arriving today actually. I'm nervous because I haven't seen them in a while and I left without really saying goodbye. My head hurts, Sonya has been using a lot magic lately, god only knows why, and I'm trying to keep darkness bottled up. I've kept my distance from my 'past' as I call my old friends. Right now I'm in the den and Abe just came in.

"Hey kiz, how you holding up?" I look at him and see true concern. I sigh, very dramatically I might say. "Ok, I guess," but he knows better then that which is why he didn't push the subject any further. Which I was thankful for. It was quiet and I enjoyed it until he spoke.

"Your mother-"I cut him off. He just had to ruin the moment. "Dad, please don't," but I knew he wouldn't leave this subject alone. "Look I understand you're not on good terms with her, but she's just watching out for you," what? He's not serious is he? I look at his face. Oh, he's serious alright.

"_Watching out for me?"_ I say incredulously, because c'mon, really?

"Yes, she's afraid you'll snap and do something you'll regret to Guardian Belikov or the queen; you could get in trouble if you hit her. And I know for a fact you're dying to lay a finger on her," I sighed again because he was right. "Look, maybe you're right, but she should side me and at the same time watch out for me." I look at him and he nods. "I know," is all he says.

"C'mon, the Belikovs are almost here," he offers me his hand which I take.

We arrive at the living and the moment they see me they stop. "Don't make it anymore obvious guys," I mutter to myself. _"Sorry Rose,"_ I hear Sonya through the bond. I look at her, smile and nod. "Oh Roza," Olena says. "Dear god, I've missed you so much!" she practically runs to me and gives me a tight hug. "I know me too," I tell her honestly. Yeva is next all she tells me is, "My little Warrior, fight, don't give up just yet our dear Flower," this lady is weird, but I trust her. Sonya and Karolina just nod their head me. No hard feelings huh, I think to myself sarcastically. Sonya starts giggling and I shake my head at her. Vikktoria doesn't throw me a second glance. Huh, guess she still hates me. Paul comes over hugs me and says, "You've been missed Flower," I laugh and I tell ask, "If I'm Flower then you're Pot?" he laughs and shakes his head. The other kids a doubt remember me.

We go into the living room and everyone takes a seat. And I do mean _everyone. _ This should be interesting.

**Like? Hate? Tell me! Lol I also wanted a daughter father convo, what ya think?**


	9. Like Father Like Son

**The usual! I don't own VA and well, enjoy!**

**Also thanks for all the reviews they make my day! **

**Whenever u have time u should check out my other story, **_**I'm Back **_**please and thank you.**

God, this would only happen to me. Life hates me, its official. The Belikovs are here. Yeva keeps giving me knowing glances and there's a lot of tension in the air, it doesn't let me breathe. Apparently Vikktoria still hates me, Sonya and Karolina are upset about the way I left, Olena is well, being Olena and Yeva, she's giving me the creeps. Right now we're all sitting around the living room no one talking. Its quiet and it is not a comfortable silence. The kids are all upstairs playing. And I'm here sitting in between Sonya and Christian.

"_Bitch, you deserve this and more," a voice says._

"_Yes that and more Rosemarie, but all in good time," kicks in the stomach, punches, cutting with a knife. The pain, oh god, I want to die._

"_No wonder he left you, you're worthless," another voice says._

"_You'll pay for killing him," the voice says again. A stab somewhere in my body, and finally a blissful darkness…_ memories come back to me. Memories I want to forget. Sonya flinches next to me and I realize my walls are down. Shit. I feel sympathy and anger through the bond. I put my walls up and that's when Chris spoke, "Rose, what's wrong?" "HUH." "You seem out of it…"

"Oh just thinking,"

"Thinking about apologizing to Guardian Belikov and the queen I hope," Janine mutters. I glare at her. I am not in the mood.

"I can't believe you, I always knew you were a bitch, I just didn't know how big of a bitch you were!"

"ROSEMARIE!" and I flinch. Memories, more memories to fuel my anger.

"_ROSEMARIE! Fight! You worthless piece of shit! Fight me!"_

"STOP! God you're my mother and you're ok with the way they treated me?"

"Roza, stop," Dimitri begs. I turn around to face him and laugh. "What more do you want from me? What more do you all want from? I've died for Lissa, and went through hell and back for Dimitri. I've begged for forgiveness to those that hated me! I can't take it any longer!" he takes a step. A step too close. I punch him in the jaw. I have the pride of knowing a heard a sickening crack. "Rose!" Lissa screams and runs over to him.

I feel the darkness from the bond, and god does it feel good. "Yes, go ahead. Heal you're little lap dog Lissa!" she turns around and what I see almost makes me want to over to her and well, _hug_ her. The look she gives me, those jade eyes begging me, but begging me for what? So much pain and hurt. She heals him and he gets up to face me. We stare at each other for a long time; his eyes almost help me calm down. But it's not enough, it never will, not anymore. "I loved you Lissa, you were my family, my sister, my best friend. I always protected you from the darkness, from myself, from everything that could possibly harm you except one thing; yourself. I didn't think I needed to protect the real you. I apologize, looks like I did fail you," sarcasm dripping my every word. I then turned around to look at Dimitri.

"Thought you were saved?" with more sarcasm. Too bad if he thought he wasn't going to receive the wrath of Rose Hathaway. "I gave you everything I had and more. To both of you. Two whole years of every single night going to bed crying, missing you, loving you. And every single night I woke up at the same time sweating and crying because I dreamt about what you did. And do you want to know who was with me every night I woke up? Christian and Sonya. (Dominic came into the picture later.) I wouldn't eat; I wouldn't sleep because I was _afraid._ I hurt every day for two years straight until I fell in love again. What more do you want from me? Just tell me one thing, _why?"_ the room got so silent, no one dared say anything. "Answer me! Damn you! Just tell me why?" I whispered the last part between sobs as I fell to my knees. I look up once I heard his answer. "I don't know Rose. Jus please forgive me." There was so much emotion I almost gave in. But then I wouldn't be Rose Hathaway. "NO," I started shaking my head. "You swallowed me then spat me out. You used me as a ragdoll and threw me away once you were done. Tell me was she better then me?" he didn't seem to understand my question, no one did, and then suddenly it clicked. Everyone looked uncomfortable. "Who was the best out of all 3 of us?" I took I step forward and slapped him hard across the face. I grabbed his chin and made him look at me. "Answer my question."

"Rose-"

"Answer me," I told him. I laughed and said, "Fine, don't answer. Let me tell you something though. _Like father, like son,"_ I said venom dripping from my voice. It was a low blow. And I knew it, I had the satisfaction of seeing him flinch and stumble backwards. As if I had slapped him. I looked at the Belikov's who had a look of surprise and contempt. I gave them an apologetic look. Thank god they didn't say anything.

"Rose that's enough" my mother said. I turned around to face her. "Don't. Don't, you don't know what I went through," I held my arm up to show her all my scars, everyone gasped. "That's not their fault, but yours," those words brought up more memories.

"_It's your entire fault," the voice says._

"_Yes, it's your entire fault. Everything that happened is all your fault." Another voice says._

I walk to my mother and slap her. After I slapped her I flinched, and took a step backwards. Abe dragged her away from me. I almost fell but Dimitri caught me. "Let go of me," I tell him. He does and Christian and Sonya come up to me. I fling myself at Sonya and start crying. I'm sobbing and having trouble breathing. Soon I'm hyperventailing, and black spots dance around my vision. I feel myself go and welcome the darkness. The last thing I hear is Chris saying, "I love you Rose."

**Xxx Read and Review plz! =D hehe what did you think. In my mind it was hella better. Anyways rose will probably snap again =D Ohhh! I already have how this story is going to end! Hope you don't hate me, I'll update soon! And I put in some flashbacks of what she went through while kidnapped, like?**


	10. Bucket Full Of Sunshine

"You're worthless," Lissa says.

"You're not worth my love, I never loved you anyways," Dimitri says.

"You killed him and you'll pay for it," a voice I know says. Two guardians come over; one gets on top of me and the other one holds me down. Adrian is there, along with my mother and Eddie.

"STOP! Please stop," I beg them and they all laugh. I trash and kick. I fight but I'm not strong enough. I never will.

"Rose wake up! Rosie wake up, it's a dream!" Chris yells. Wait, Chris? Oh, god it was all a dream. All the events from last night come back. I open my eyes to see Kelly, Sonya, and Chris. I throw myself at Chris and sob. He rubs his hands up and down my back. Soothing me, telling me it's ok. And in his arms I feel like it is. I pull myself back and he kisses my forehead. I nod and go take a shower.

I put on some black sweats, with a white muscle-shirt with a black rose on the front. I put on black Vans, tie my hair in a ponytail. I go to the kids rooms to wake them up. They all inherited something from me; they don't like mornings. After half an hour of begging them, they wake up. I shower them, dress them, and head downstairs for breakfast.

Breakfast is really awkward. No one is really talking, the events from the night before still hanging in the air. I notice Scarlet is nowhere around, weird. I put on the radio and "Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson comes on. Perfect. I start singing along.

"_Does it hurt, to know I'll never be there?"_

"I got a pocket full of sunshine!" I say all of the sudden. Everyone turns around to look at me. Chris groans and says, "Don't you dare." I raise an eyebrow because I finally learned how. "Oh but I am!" the song comes on.

"I got a pocket, pocket full of sunshine I've got love and I know it's all mine. Oh oh oh. Do what you want, but you never going to break me. Sticks and stones are never going to shake me. Oh, oh, oh. Take me away, a secret place, a sweet escape. Take me away!" I'm singing really loud when Chris comes behind me and puts his hands over my mouth.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"Don't ever sing that song again!" he has on a horrified voice that makes me giggle. Soon enough everyone is laughing, and the awkwardness fades somewhat.

I'm staring out the window. I love Dimitri so much; Sonya always said he was my soul mate. I know I can forgive them the question is: Can I forget what he did? The answer is no. There is no way I can go back with him, not now, not ever, not anymore. It pains me but it's the truth, now all I need to do is tell him that and tell him about the kids. But first Adrian.

**Oooh she's going over to Adrian, hows he going to take it! Well I know but you don't ha! Lol **


	11. I Can Forgive, But Not Forget

**I don't own VA! **

I walk into the living room where Adrian is talking with Eddie.

"Umm. Adrian? Can I talk to you in private? Look, I know we're not really on talking terms, but this doesn't have to do with me or you. Just please?" I say in one breath because I'm nervous. Not that I'll tell that to anyone. He nods and gets up and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. _"What are you doing Rose?" Sonya says through the bond. _I turn to look at her and smile. "Don't worry. You'll find out soon."

We go out side to the Rose garden. We don't say anything just look at each other. I break the silence, "Adrian, you have a daughter. Her name is Adriana." He looks at me like this is a joke. If only it where. Before he says anything I launch myself into the story of what happened that night. He doesn't interrupt me thankfully. "I'm sorry but I just didn't know how to tell you and well I thought you hated me." Once more he doesn't say anything.

"Wow, does she know?" I nod my head, I told her once she was 2.

"I don't hate you; it's just well you hurt me." I laugh a bitter cold laugh.

"And I'm paying for that and more trust me," he doesn't say anything but shake his head at me and apologize. I wave him off and go inside. Adriana is on Christians lap, she looks up at me and I wink at her. She runs up to Adrian, "Daddy!" he picks her up in the air. "Princess," is all he says. Everyone is staring at us. Chris walks up to, puts his arms around me and I rest my head against his shoulders. Dimitri is next. Ugh.

I sigh and ask, "Where's Dimitri?" they all look at me. Guess they didn't expect that. "In his room," Lissa tells me. I smile at her, a genuine smile that catches her off guard. I bounce up the stairs and don't bother knocking. I walk in and see Dimitri with a picture of us at our engagement party. He looks at me surprised when he hears me walk in.

"Uh, look, don't hate me ok? I had my reasons." He looks at me puzzled. Right, I haven't told him he has 2 kids. Oops. "Mason and Andi, well you're their dad…" he doesn't say anything just processes everything I just told him. "How is that even possible?" good question.

"Shadow kissed. I had already died twice when we were together," that's the only way possible. He nods.

"I don't blame you for hiding them from me," phew!

I walk out the room with him behind me, when we get downstairs the twins run up to him. He hugs each one of them, looks at me and gives me one of his rare full smiles. I gasp, and take a step back. Everyone looks at me puzzled, tears in my eyes. "I still love you," I say in a whisper. I search for my comfort. I find him there sitting next to Lissa. He looks up at me and rushes over to me. I hug him closer to me, smell him in. "I'm going to my room," I announce. Chris follows me. We get in bed and I snuggle close to him.

"Don't leave me ok?" he snorts, "Wouldn't dream of it." My next question catches him off guard; "Would you back with her?" he ponders this for a moment. "No," he simply says. "Why?"

He looks at me. "I still love her, I always will, but even if I do forgive her every time I see her, I see what they _did. _Doesn't matter why did it, and well I have you." I giggle and snuggle close to him. Before I drift off to sleep I realize something; he's right. We'll never be able to forget what they did.

**Soooo? It's kinda choppy, sorry lol anyways read and review!**


	12. Love Can Only Do So Much

**So yeah I know she has a lot kids, but it's not her fault, it will be explained =D and anyways it all has its purpose.**

**Read and Review,**

**Enjoy! =)**

That night I dreamt of the day I killed Victor Dashkov, but it ended differently. Out of no where Robert Doru came out and said, "You'll pay for his death Rosemarie," I woke up sweating with Christian's arms around me. God. I've heard those words before, but where?

"_You'll pay for his death Rosemarie," a voice in the darkness says, before someone punches me in the stomach and I fall back into the darkness. _I start hyperventailing as I realize who kidnapped me. Robert Doru. I tell Chris this and he doesn't say anything for a moment.

"Go back to sleep, you need it. We'll talk about this with Sonya tomorrow ok?" I nod and he gives me a kiss in the forehead before I fall back to sleep.

Next day, I talk with Sonya about it.

"Rose, I've been talking with Dimitri and Lissa, it was compulsion, even Scarlet. They were under compulsion." I don't say anything.

"You really think so?" she nods. It makes since, but still. Like I told Chris last night; we can forgive but not forget. There's only so much love can endure.

She walks up to leave, "You're right Rose, but you were meant to be together," I nod my head but before she leaves I whisper, "Not anymore. Not in this life time."

That night I decide Chris and I need to talk with Lissa and Dimitri. We walk out to the garden and take a seat in the bench. No one says anything for a while, until I speak.

"We know you were under compulsion, and we also know who did it."

"Who?" Lissa and Dimitri ask at the same time.

"Robert Doru," they look confused.

"Why?" Dimitri asks.

"Revenge for killing his brother, Victor Dashkov." Dimitri nods his head, Lissa looks shocked, and Chris is looking up at the sky.

"How do you know?" Lissa asks. I'm very uncomfortable, but they need to know.

"Three months after the Mason and Andi were born, I was walking alone at night along the streets when a group of strigoi attack and knock me out. I woke up in the darkness. For a whole month I was kicked, punched, stabbed, drugged, and raped." No one says for a moment. "They let me go; they were different voices telling me things about you guys, and about paying for someone I killed. I didn't pay much attention till now."

"Rose, I'm sorry you had to through that," Lissa says honestly.

"It's ok, and by the way, you guys were forgiven along time ago," Chris nods. They look at us shocked.

"We can give you another chance. As friends," Chris says and they nod content with what they get. We get up to leave but before we do I tell them, "We can't promise you we'll get back together with you guys because, well it's hard. We're forgiving you guys, but not forgetting. We can't forget what you did, even if it wasn't your fault."

They both nod with a hurt expression. Lissa has tears in her eyes, Dimitri turns to look away from us, but not before I see a tear shining in his cheek. It breaks my heart, and I know it breaks Christian's too, but it's the truth. Getting back with them would mean that every time we see them we _don't _see them kissing, having sex. It would mean not to hurt to be with them because we remember what they did. It would mean forgetting the result of them cheating on us; their daughter. We can't do that. Love can only do so much. Love can only _forget_ so much.

**Dun, dun, dun! Wooh! Lol my new line is, "Love can only…" hehe anyone know how else that phrase can end? So I can use it, and ill say its all yours… anyways What you think? Review please. **


	13. Why Can't We Go Back With Them?

**I don't own VA! And thanks for the reviews! =D**

**Enjoy!**

**=)**

Robert Doru is after me. He wants to kill me. I'm actually afraid, but I will not show it for the sake of my family and friends. "Yo Sparkyyy! I need to tell you something really important!" I yell as I walk into the living room, which is a commotion. Pure chaos, like me. "Uh yes?" he says I can tell he's intimidated. Last time I said that line the Ozera's almost didn't have a trust fund anymore. I giggled and everyone turned around to look at me. It's not very often they get to see the great Rosemarie Hathaway giggle. Hell. I never giggle. And this time I can't blame the hormones. Shit.

"Well, you see-"he cut me off with, a sigh and, "How much rose?" rude much?

"Uh, don't kill me ok? A million?" his bulged, it's not that much is it?

"What did you do?" he asked slowly. I sighed and shook my head.

"Why does everyone just assume I did something? I didn't ok? Sheesh, I just um, well, you see, I saw this car…" Sonya started laughing. He shook his head at me.

"A car? You really don't have sense Rosemarie," I screamed. I started shaking my head. No, no, no! I kept saying it, Robert, he was here. "Where are you?" Chris took a step forward. "Honey? Look at me. He's not here." Oh god, I'm going crazy.

"I'm sorry, its just he said that to me once, and well I freaked."

"He needs to be stopped." My father said. Was he crazy, or suicidal?

"Are you suicidal Dad? He's a spirit user! He can kill you, or anyone in this room with a look. He did it to me dad. He made me feel the most unbearable pain ever, with just a look." I had tears running down my cheeks.

"You're my daughter and if it means going to hell and back for you, I'll do it."

"I can't have someone else die for me dad. Mason did it and my husband dad. My husband said those words to me 2 days before he was killed. I won't have it." I told him shaking my head. I know he's waiting for the right moment to strike. Dimitri went over to hug me but I flinched and Chris stepped up. I saw the hurt in Dimitri's eyes and I instantly felt bad. Yeva chose that moment to speak. "My Warrior, forgive and forget or your heart will never heal. Your heart is going through a lot pain, but remember this; love can conquer all if you open up your heart." She touched my cheek with her hand and kissed my cheek. She took a step back at the same time Vikktoria spoke, "Grandmother why waste your time on her. She obviously doesn't love Dimka."

That did it. I snapped for the second time that week.

"I don't love him? Do you even know _what love_ is? Because let me tell you what you felt for that Rolan guy was_ not_ love!" she flinched. "Jesus. If anybody in this room knows what love is, it's me. I went through a lot to turn your brother back and I forgave him for everything he ever did to me! And I'm sorry Vikktoria. I'm sorry I didn't let you flush your future down the toilet. Sorry for not letting you become a blood whore; sorry for not letting you become a mother at 16. Really I'm sorry." She took a step forward. "That was not for you to decide! And I don't think you love my brother, if you did, you would take him back!" I slapped her hard across the face.

"Don't you ever say I don't love your brother Vikktoria Belikov!" she touched her cheek where I'd slapped her. "You slapped me," she said in disbelief. The darkness was once getting to me. And Christian knew it; the rest knew to stay back.

"Rose, look at me, babe. Look at me! Think of everything good in your life, they day your kids were born, the first time you saw Dimitri, the first time you saw Lissa. Think of the love you have for them. Sonya, me; Rose don't let it get to you. You're stronger then it!" he was right. I focused on his blue eyes filled with worry and love for me. And I kissed him in the mouth for the hell of it and he kissed me back. We knew it was wrong, but we were tired of the right thing. I felt wonder from Sonya, and I could Lissa's and Dimitri's emotion. Hurt, pain. I pulled back and I mouthed 'thank you'. He shook his head. I gave him a small smile. I turned to look at Dimitri who had tears in his eyes.

I reached out to touch him, I wanted to comfort him, but I pulled back, and he noticed.

"I'm-I'm- sorry Dimitri. I- i- love you. I do, but it hurts too much to be near you. I can't, but know this Dimitri Belikov, I love you more then anything and anyone in this world. You're my soul mate I know you are. I will always love you, know that. Hell I'll even shout it to the whole world. But every time I see you or Lissa, I see you guys kissing and I see your daughter." I shook my head.

"Maybe one day Dimitri, if not in this world maybe in the next." I gave him a small smile. He nodded and gave me a small smile. He took a step forward and kissed me. And it was like the whole world righted itself, everything aligned itself. My heart healed. And I could feel his love for me. But I stopped him. A small voice in my head saying I didn't deserve him, another voice telling me I couldn't be with him period.

I looked at Chris and walked up to my room with him following. When he closed the doors all he said was, "I know. I know." And we both cried together until we fell asleep.

Yeva might be right, but there was this voice in my head telling me I shouldn't go back with him. As I fell asleep something hit me. More pain was to come my way and I did not want to put him though that he didn't deserve it. I loved him and Lissa too much to put them through anymore pain. He was coming to get me and he wouldn't stop to hurt anyone near me. still that shouldn't stop us. and that was the question; what _was_ stopping us from going back to them?

**Dun, dun, dun! Hehe =D there ya go! Anyone know what this 'pain' might be, I don't think I explained it well, actually I don't think this chapter made sense at all, but it was written in short notice. Also! Hehe almost forgot. Rose is having an inner battle. She wants to go back, but there's something stopping her. What is it? Mwuahahaha! This should actually be a mystery, hmmm. And….. two ppl in this story WILL die. Who? Ha! Its for the best really. **


	14. Falling Apart

**Um… I will not kill a baby… for those who want or think I'll kill a toddler….. anyways I want to tell you guys that I want you guys to read my story because you like and for what is and not just to see or hope Dmitri and Rose to end together….anyways again =D here ya go!**

**Enjoy! =) love you guys!**

**LPOV **

It hurts to know Rose and Christian are together, together. I didn't mean to have sex with Dimitri, but I now know it was Robert Doru. It's his entire fault. I've lost Christian and Rose the other two aside from my daughter that I love with all of my heart. My baby girl who I love is the one to cause all of my pain. At court I'm viewed as the biggest bitch, even if I'm queen I still know people look at me as the biggest disgrace. And coming here and seeing Christian and Rose as a family and know I'm not part of it hurts.

I'm in all sorts of pain. To know Sonya's and Rose's bond is stronger then the one between me and her hurts, because I know it's my entire fault. I blame myself, I should have been stronger to resist Robert's compulsion but I wasn't. The darkness had been nagging at me, just like it is now.

I'll do anything, anything all to make this pain go away, to have Rose's and Christian entire forgiveness and love. Even if it means dying.

**RPOV **

"Angel, do you love me?" I turn around to look at his sapphire eyes with a confused look.

"Of course I do, what makes you ask that?" he shrugs.

"I love you so, so much." He looks at me and grins. He takes my breath away. He caresses my face with his strong hands. "It's just well sometimes I think you're just with me cause I remind you of Dimitri…" I shake my head furiously.

"Of course not," I'm serious. He smiles, he's nothing like Dimitri. Physically at least. He abruptly gets up, and out of no where a strigoi comes out. I try to warn him, I try so, so hard, but no words came out. I saw how the Strigoi grabbed his neck in between his pale hands and snap his neck. "NO!" I roar. But it's done. And Dominic's face full of accusations towards me haunts me. I fall to my knees and start sobbing. I fall and kick and yell, "NO!" over and over again.

"ROSE! It's a dream, all a dream Rose. I'm here wake up." A soft voice says. I open my eyes and meet the eyes of Christian. I hug him tight, "Dominic-"he cuts me off, "Shh. It's all right. It's time to wake up anyways," and gives me a soft smile. I get up the bed and go take a shower. I wear black ripped skinny jeans, with a white t-shirt, red flats, a red long rose necklace, black earrings, and a black simple bracelet. Chris is wearing black and red too. It's kind of funny.

We head downstairs to eat breakfast, but I instantly feel the tension and… fright in the air. I frown and look at Christian but he shrugs. Through the bond I feel Sonya is scared for me and she's also pissed. What happened? We go inside the kitchen and on top of the table there's a brown box. I freeze. I look at Sonya; she shakes her head at me. Regardless of her face I look inside the box and gasp. Inside there's a stake I know all to well, an ultra sound picture of a baby, and a note. My hands start shaking as I grab the note. "Ha-have you guys r-read i-t?" I stutter. They shake their heads and I know from the bond they were waiting for me. I'm afraid to know what's in it, especially cause I recognize the handwriting.

_Dear Rosemarie, _

_ If you are reading this it means your time is getting near. By now you must also know who I am and why I've been doing this. For the last four years I have made your live a living hell haven't I? Yes, well it will get worst. That's a promise and know I do know how to keep them. To make you pay for the death of my dear brother I ruined any future with your love Dimitri Belikov, and along the way ruined your friendship with Vasilisa, and the rest of your friends. I kidnapped you too, made you suffer, beyond belief. And when you found Dominic Salvatore I killed him too. Surprised? I have yet to kill your precious Ozera, but all in good time. _

_Remember how you were, abused? Remember how you ended up pregnant? And remember how I killed your baby too? All those nightmares Rosemarie, I've planted them there. You have caused many people pain, you have killed my brother, and you will pay for it. I have sent to you your stake, the stake I used to kill your baby. And your ultrasound picture of your baby. Do not fret Rosemarie much is to come your way._

_ Xx Robert Doru. _

There was a moment of silence, my hands were still shaking. I had never told anyone about the baby; after all it had been an accident. In a sick way I was glad he/ she was gone. I didn't need another reminder of what has happened. I clutched my stomach, the memory was too painful. I felt strong arms hug me and I welcomed him. I smelled his aftershave; I hid my face in the crook of his neck and clung to him for dear life. My life was once again falling apart and I couldn't take it.

**Mwuahaha =D I feel sorry for Rose… more pain for her is to come her way…. =D **

**Anyways, review! Like it? Hate it? Tell me, but be nice…. **


	15. Another Letter

**Thanks for the reviews! Ok so I want to say something… this chapter will explain why Rose has many kids =D just remember Robert Doru has been trying to make her life hell in any way possible. Also, how many more chapters do you want? I was planning on doing 20, is that ok? Tell me.**

**Enjoy! I don't own VA.**

I had read the note out loud, which is why Dimitri had come to hug me. I fully accepted his embrace. I didn't realize until that moment how much I had missed him. Weeks went by before another letter arrived. Just like the last one I read this one out loud.

"_Dear Rosemarie,_

_ By now you must know I'm coming after you, it's a shame you'll die along with all of your friends and family. But don't worry about your dear kids. After all it's because of me you have them is it not? Oh yes, of course, you don't remember anything. Let me tell you then. Who do you think healed you so you could have kids with Dhampirs? I put Dominic in your way; I was there the night you got pregnant with Adrian Ivashkov's kid and used compulsion on you; and don't forget Christian Ozera. Want to know why? When I kill you, because I will kill you, I'll keep your kids and use them for my own good._

_You have underestimated me, I've been near you and your family and you don't even know it. I made you a promise and I'm keeping it. Be careful, I'm everywhere._

_ Xxx Robert Doru _

No one said anything for a moment. It was dead quiet. It was official, he has made my life a living hell and he's not stopping any time soon, until he sees me dead.

"He's psycho. Seriously, all this for killing Victor." I meant that as a joke but no one cracked a smile.

"Rose-"

"Ugh. Forget it. I don't want to spend my time on this, Sonya," I looked at her and gave her a small smile. She bought somewhat. If I was going to go down, I was going to go down like the true Rosemarie Hathaway I was.

**There. It's short, I know but a lot of people were calling Rose a… slut. There's your explanation.**

**Now it's up to you how long I make this story, I really don't want it more than 20 maybe 25. No more, cause I'll just be writing random stuff….**


	16. My Battle

**I don't own VA! =D Read and Review please….**

**Enjoy! **

I was very confused. My heart ached for Dimitri every day at every hour, but whenever I thought of him my thoughts always drift to one person; Christian Ozera. Yeah, Christian. He was amazing, those beautiful blue eyes of his. Wait, hold on a sec…. was I in love with him? No, I couldn't. Of course not. He was in love with Lissa and I was in love with Dimitri. Maybe we weren't together but _still._ We would get back with them eventually right? Yes, we were. We wouldn't be complete without them. Even if we didn't something was for sure. We would get our happy ending with them, in this life or the other. I really have to stop thinking like this. I'm going to drive my self crazier.

I'm kind of excited; we're having a karaoke night again! No way in hell will I, a Hathaway, be afraid of someone that's not my mother or father. Not that I would tell them…

Anyways, tonight I'm wearing a short dress that goes below my ass, it's a dark purple with a black ribbon below my boobs, and a layer of black lace (rose pattern) from the waist and below. I'm wearing high heels that match my dress, for jewelry, I'm wearing purple earrings, a black rose necklace from Christian, and a purple and black diamond bracelet.

Sonya tells me through the bond we're ready to go. I wait 5 minutes cause once again I will making an entrance. I walk down the stairway, and stop at the bottom of the stairs. Dimitri in the first one to see me. His eyes wander around my body. He's wearing black jeans, and a purple collar shirt. Wow, his shirt isn't all the way buttoned up, and he's wearing a blazer. (I didn't know how to dress him!) He looked hot, and we were both wearing purple and black. Both Lissa and Christian were both wearing jade colored clothes. I felt a pang jealousy which was replaced by warmness in my heart. The kids get to stay home today with their nanny and some guardians. We get in a limo and the drive to the bar is quiet.

We walk in to the bar, and once Kelly sees me she runs to the stage and says. "She's here. Alright I would like to sing a song with her, mind if we do Rose?" I shrug. Why not? We are here after all to have fun. I walk up there as the music starts. I groan, "Man-eater" by Nelly Furtado comes on. I shake my head while everyone laughs.

Me: "Everybody look at me, me

I walk in the door you start screaming

Come on everybody what you here for?

Move your body around like a nympho

Everybody get your necks to crack around

All you crazy people come on jump around

I want to see you all on your knees, knees

You either want to be with me, or be me!"

Kelly: "Maneater, make you work hard

Make you spend hard

Make you want all, of her love

She's a maneater

make you buy cars

make you cut cards

make you fall, real hard in love

She's a Maneater, make you work hard

Make you spend hard

Make you want all, of her love

She's a maneater

make you buy cars

make you cut cards

Wish you never ever met her at all!

Together: "And when she walks she walks with passion

when she talks, she talks like she can handle it

when she asks for something boy she means it

even if you never ever seen it

everybody get your necks to crack around

all you crazy people come on jump around

you doing anything to keep her by your side

because, she said she love you, love you long time!

(Chorus repeats 3 times,) I sway my hips to rhythm and I get wolf- whistles from a bunch of guys.

Together: "Never ever met her at all!

you wish you never ever met her at all!

you wish you never ever met her at all!

you wish you never ever met her at all!

you wish you never ever met her at all!

The song ends and everyone claps and cheers. Dimitri comes on next and says he'll be singing two songs. Wow, the first one is "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley. He begins to sing and it's like it's just us two in the room. His voice is soft like velvet, his soft brown eyes focusing on me.

" Heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the lord

But you don't really care for music, do you

Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to her kitchen chair

She broke your throne and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Baby I've been here before

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before i knew you

I've seen your flag on the marble arch

But love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Well there was a time when you let me know

What's really going on below

But now you never show that to me do you

But remember when i moved in you

And the holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Well, maybe there's a god above

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

It's not a cry that you hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah…" everyone claps and the next song starts. It's "Broken" by secondhand Serenade. Oh god. "This song is for someone in this crowd, you know who you are." He looks directly at me and everyone turns to stare at me. I blush. He can't do this.

"In the moonlight

Your face it glows

Like a thousand diamonds

I suppose

And your hair flows like

The ocean breeze

Not a million fights

Could make me hate you

You're invincible

Yeah, It's true

It's in your eyes

Where I find peace

Is it broken?

Can we work it out?

Let's light up the town, scream out loud!

Is it broken?

Can we work it out?

I can see in your eyes

You're ready to break

Don't look away.

So here we are now

In a place where

The sun blended

With the ocean thin.

So thin, we stand

Across from each other

Together we'll wonder

If we will last these days

If I asked you to stay

Would you tell me

You would be mine?

And time

Is all I ask for

Time

I just need one more day

And time

You've been crying too long

Time

And your tears wrote this song

Stay

In the moonlight

Your face it glows

Is it broken?

Can we work it out?

Let's light up the town, scream out loud!

Is it broken?

Can we work it out?

I can see in your eyes

You're ready to break

Don't look away. "Through the whole song he looks at me and he lets his guard down. I try very hard not to cry. Instead once he's done I go up and sing "Forgiven" by within Temptation.

"Couldn't save you from the start

Love you so it hurts my soul

Can you forgive me for trying again

Your silence makes me hold my breath

Time has passed you by

Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world

Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own

Here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight

You left me behind

All that's done's forgiven

You'll always be mine

I know deep inside

All that's done's forgiven

I watched the clouds drifting away

Still the sun can't warm my face

I know it was destined to go wrong

You were looking for the great escape

To chase your demons away

Oh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world

Oh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own

And here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight

You left me behind

All that's done's forgiven

You'll always be mine

I know deep inside

All that's done's forgiven

I've been so lost since you've gone

Why not me before you?

Why did fate deceive me?

Everything turned out so wrong

Why did you leave me in silence?

You gave up the fight

You left me behind

All that's done's forgiven

You'll always be mine

I know deep inside

All that's done's forgiven ." I look at him while I sing. Without hesitating I move on into the next song "All I need" by Within temtation.

"I'm dying to catch my breath

Oh why don't i ever learn

I've lost all my trust though i've surely tried to

Turn it around

Can you still see the heart of me?

All my agony fades away

When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down

For all i need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe

Don't tear me down

You've opened the door now

Don't let it close

I'm here on the edge again

I wish I could let it go

I know that I'm only one step away

From turning around

Can you still see the heart of me?

All my agony fades away

When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down

For all i need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down

What's left of me

Make my heart a better place

I've tried many times but nothing was real

Make it fade away

Don't tear me down

I want to believe that this is for real

Save me from my fear

Don't tear me down

Don't tear me down

For all i need

Make my heart a better place

Don't tear me down

For all i need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something i can believe

Don't tear it down

What's left of me

Make my heart a better place

Make my heart a better place."

Everyone claps and cheers once more. A couple of people sing some songs before we decide to head home. I have decided something; I will talk with Dimitri and try something else and I know Chris will want to do the same. We head out and I get _the_ feeling. I come to a halt and soon everyone notices. "Strigoi!" I manage to yell before they all come out from… nowhere? We get the moroi to safety before the battle begins. "Rosemarie, we meet again," a cold, calculating voice says. _No! _ My mind shrieks. The battle stops to look at us. I slowly turn around to look at Robert.

"Yeah, seems like life hates me. I was having a great time till I saw your friends, and well _you._ You're getting kind of old don't you think?" that's probably not my best comeback, but hell. My family is being threatened, and if I'm honest; I'm about to pee my pants. Not that he needs to know that. He takes a step forward and strikes. He punches me in the face and soon enough the battle begins. _My_ battle.

**Mwuahaha! Hehe what ya think? =D review plz! This battle will probably take 3 chapters! Maybe…. And then THE END! =D**


	17. Captured

**Read and review!**

**Me: Rose can you do the disclaimer?**

**Rose: No.**

**Me: Fine I guess I'll just kill everyone in the story….**

**Rose: No! Ok fine. **_**She **_**doesn't own VA! Or me, or Dimitri, or Lissa, or Chris…**

**Me: We get it!**

**Rose: Oh do you?**

**Me: Shut up!**

**Anyways Enjoy! =D**

He was surprisingly strong. His punch made me stagger back, and when I came back ready to attack he was gone. Just gone, no where to be seen. I ran back to see the moroi, Dimitri was there and I knew he was anxious to fight. I ran up to him, I knew this wasn't the right time but I just had to tell him.

"I know this isn't the right time but, Dimitri, I know I can take you back, I just need time to forget certain memories," his respond surprised me, he kissed me. The world righted it self, but I pulled away because I saw Dimitri and Lissa kissing. The memories were there. They always were; they taunted me and as long as I had them I couldn't move on. I stepped away and we smiled at each other; this is the way it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be together, but now things were on the way of our happiness. I went into the limo and leaned close to Lissa. I sighed and said, "Liss, tonight I realized something. I think I can start to build up our friendship again," she grinned and hugged me. "Thank you Rose! I love you!" I surprised us both by saying, "I love you too. But now, it's time to kick some ass." I winked at her and at Christian. He didn't seem too surprised. I smiled and got out of the limo.

Strigoi's tried to get pass us but they didn't succeed. I knew Dimitri was worried about his family as I was about my mom and dad, but hopefully they were ok back at home. We fought and fought. I heard a scream but I turned around too late. Behind me was a strigoi who punched me in my stomach, I doubled over in pain, and tried to regain my strength. He threw a blow at my head and the last thing I heard before the darkness consumed me was a Russian accent, "Roza, No!" …

(**2 hrs. later) **

I woke up in the darkness. "Shit," I said out loud. Voices in the darkness said, "Rose?" I recognized them as Lissa, Chris, and Dimitri. Shit. "What happened?" "We were kidnapped. Just us four; the others escaped…" Dimitri answered. "This isn't good. We need to escape…" I stated the obvious. "We can't. we don't even know were we are." Chris said.

"Well, well, it seems our sleeping beauty has awoken," a cold voice said. I recognized it as Robert.

"Fuck you." I said with as much venom in my voice as I could. All he did was laugh. "Asshole," I muttered. That made him laugh even more. He went over to slap me, and I struggled, but it was useless. My hands were tied behind my back.

"By the end of this you will all be dead. Maybe if I feel like being nice I'll only two of you. You decide." He said the last part looking directly at me. Hell no! he was asking me to chose who was supposed to die. He really was psycho! He left and before any one could say anything I cut them off by saying, "We'll all get out alive," they all nodded, I knew they were unsure but they had to trust me if they wanted to get out of here alive.

**Hehehe they got captured! Only 3 more chapters to go…. =P hmm… who should I kill…? Such a hard decision! =D review!**


	18. Too Late

**I don't own VA!**

I don't know why my life hates me so much, why life does this to me. How am I supposed to do this by myself? I know the rest have been trying their best to find us, but Robert doesn't have that much patience, and I know it's only a matter of time before he hurts one of us physically. "We're almost there Rose! We found you guys, just hold on tight!" Sonya told me through the bond, and I told the rest just as Robert came in the room.

"Well, I think it's time to have some fun," he says as if it were the most obvious, reasonable thing in the world. He yanks a weakened Dimitri by his collar and gets his little crew to start beating the crap out of him. "NOOO! STOP! I'LL DO ANYTHING JUST STOP!" they stop and Robert raises an eyebrow.

"Hmm, maybe we should try with someone different, how about your little Ozera?"

"NO!" I manage to scream right before they throw a punch and a whole swat team of guardians comes in. The battle once more begins and Sonya releases us. Both Dimitri and I get into our fighting stance, Sonya has healed us both and I'm swallowing all of the darkness. I let the ghosts out, and started fighting.

I got in a few punches on my ribs and face, and would have wicked bruises tomorrow. That is _if_ I got out of this alive. I sure as hell hoped I would. From the bond I knew all the Moroi including Sonya were safe in the band. I also knew Chris was arguing because he wanted to come in and help. I also hoped he wouldn't; it was too dangerous, and I couldn't afford to lose him.

I was too distracted I let a strigoi get too close but something or _someone_ set him on fire. As I looked behind I saw Chris with a smirk. I shook my head at him as I heard him say, "You're hesitating babe," I was going to kill him when we got out. Soon after I lost track of both Dimitri and Chris. As I looked around I spotted them together fighting.

It all happened so fast, I couldn't stop it and that's something that has haunted me for years. Four strigoi closed in on them; Dimitri was fatigued and Chris didn't have any strength left. And the strigoi knew it. "NO!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, but I knew I was too left. For both of them.

**Mwuahaha I feel evil! Review plz!**


	19. My Heart Will Go On,I'll Be Missing You

**Review! And I don't own VA!**

I ran as fast as I could over to them, I killed the strigoi, and Robert but still; I was too late. I stopped and nearly fell. The four strigoi had overpowered them and killed them. Their necks had been snapped. If only I'd been faster. I fell to my knees and screamed like I've never screamed before. The pain I felt in my heart, in my chest was horrible. I felt like they'd taken my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. I couldn't breathe. My sight was blurred by my tears; I held on to both of them with all of my strength. I yelled over and over again for someone to tell me this was a sick joke or a dream, but they all watched.

Finally, Lissa came in, and she stopped dead on her tracks. She ran to Christian and starting sobbing. I clutched Dimitri to my chest, ran my hand through his soft, beautiful hair, and kissed it. My tears fell on to him, his eyes no longer that soft brown that used to melt me, instead they were blank. I started shaking my head and whispered over and over "No," I felt empty. I felt this hole in my chest. I clung to Dimitri for dear life as they dragged me away from him. I trashed and yelled. Finally someone had the sense of letting me go and I ran toward where Dimitri lay dead. New tears started falling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe it. I looked at Chris, and choked. Those blue eyes that used to stare at me, those warm arms that used to embrace me, would no longer be.

I felt like my whole had ended. I dragged myself and Dimitri to where Chris lay with Lissa. I held on to his hand. I wanted him, I needed him to hold me and comfort me, but as I touched him, it hit me like a wave of cold water; he was dead, they were dead. My body shook with new sobs, my heart ached, my breathing came labored once more, and black spots danced in my vision. The darkness consumed once more and I welcomed it with open arms.

I woke up in my room with someone crying silently next to me. As I looked at the person I realized it was Lissa. When she looked up I saw it was true. They were dead. I trashed again, I yelled, I pinched myself, I banged my head against the wall. I did everything to stop the immense pain I felt. Strong arms held me, but they weren't the arms I wanted. I punched and kicked Eddie. I turned around to face everyone in the room, I searched for Sonya and I found her.

"Please tell me, they're both alive, please Sonya. Tell me it's not true," I begged her. I got on my knees, and whispered, "It's not true right? It was my imagination right?" I looked at her face and I didn't need the bond to tell me she was sorry.

"It's true Rose, I'm sorry," I shook my head and cried. Lissa knowing my pain hugged me; I don't know for how long we stood there on the floor crying in each other arms, but we eventually fell asleep.

(1 week later)

Today is their funeral and I'm supposed to give a speech. This past week has been hell. I'm a robot along with Lissa. The Belikov's are destroyed. I don't know how to go on. I don't know if I can, or if I want to. I go up to the stage where I'm supposed to give the speech.

"I don't know how to begin, I'm going to start with my best friend Christian Ozera. These past years he's been amazing. I don't know how I'm going to go through this by myself," I stop to take a deep breath as a few tears fall down. "The best way to do this is through a song, but I want to remember first. He was amazing, he was a fighter. He was me the man version. This song's for you Pyro, where ever you are."

"I'll be missing you" Puff Daddy

Every day I wake up

I hope I'm dreaming

I can't believe this shit

Cant believe you ain't here

Sometimes it's just hard for a nigga to wake up

Its hard to just keep going

Its like I feel empty inside without you being here

I would do anything man, to bring you back

Id give all this shit, shit the whole knot

I saw your son today

He look just like you

You was the greatest

You'll always be the greatest

I miss you big

Cant wait till that day, when I see your face again

I can't wait till that day, when I see your face again...

Yeah... this right here (tell me why)

Goes out, to everyone, that has lost someone

That they truly loved (cmon, check it out)

Verse one: puff daddy

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show

I laced the track, you locked the flow

So far from hanging on the block for dough

Notorious, they got to know that

Life ain't always what it seem to be (uh-uh)

Words can't express what you mean to me

Even though you're gone, we still a team

Through your family, I'll fulfill your dream (that's right)

In the future, can't wait to see

If you open up the gates for me

Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend (uh-huh)

Try to black it out, but it plays again

When it's real, feelings hard to conceal

Cant imagine all the pain I feel

Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)

I know you still living your life, after death

Chorus: faith evans

Every step I take, every move I make

Every single day, every time I pray

Ill be missing you

Thinking of the day, when you went away

What a life to take, what a bond to break

Ill be missing you

[puff] I miss you big

Verse two: puff daddy

Its kinda hard with you not around (yeah)

Know you in heaven smiling down (eheh)

Watching us while we pray for you

Every day we pray for you

Till the day we meet again

In my heart is where I'll keep you friend

Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed

Strength I need to believe

My thoughts big I just can't define (cant define)

Wish I could turn back the hands of time

Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks

You and me taking flicks

Making hits, stages they receive you on

I still can't believe you're gone (cant believe you're gone)

Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)

I know you still living you're life, after death

Chorus

[faith evans] somebody tell me why

Interlude: faith evans

On that morning

When this life is over

I know

Ill see your face

Every night I pray, every step I take

Every move I make, every single day

Every night I pray, every step I take

[puff] every day that passes

Every move I make, every single day

[puff] is a day that I get closer

[puff] to seeing you again

Every night I pray, every step I take

[puff] we miss you big... and we wont stop

Every move I make, every single day

[puff] cause we can't stop... that's right

Every night I pray, every step I take

Every move I make, every single day

[puff] we miss you

*music fades out* during the song he materializes in front of me and gives me a sad, small smile. He puts a hand to his heart and points at me and Lissa. Later I tell Lissa and she burst in to tears. After he disappears I break down. He really is gone, gone forever. I purse my lips before I begin again.

"Dimitri Belikov was my mentor, my lover, and my best friend. We went through so much together and I will always regret not taking him in to my life faster. I want him to know he's left a hole no one will ever be able to heal, I miss you, I love you Comrade." The music starts and I begin to sing, without breaking down. Which is hard considering he's here too. He mouths the words, "I love you" more tears fall. He comes near and I know he tries to touch my cheek to wipe away my tears.

"My heart will go on," Celine Dion.

Every night in my dreams

I see you, I feel you

That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance

And spaces between us

You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you

One true time I hold to

In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We'll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

Before he leaves I tell him, "I love you, always have always will Comrade," he smiles and leaves. I stand there, alone. He was gone, my Russian Jailer was dead.

**I cried while writing this, I hope you don't hate me! Review!**


	20. For The Best

**Wooh! Final chapter! Review and Enjoy!**

**(20 years later)**

These last 15 years haven't been easy, hell they've been hell. A year after _their_ death I went back to being Lissa's guardian. Our relationship has grown once more. We've changed a lot, we're a lot quieter, although I still start fights. We all live at court, Sonya had another kid and named him Christian. Adrian named his kid Dimitri, and Eddie had a girl and named her Mary. We've all become closer during these years. My parents died last year of natural cause. Yeva died 5 years after _their_ death and Olena 7 years after. Sonya, Karolina, and Vikktoria live with us too. Vikk had a daughter and named her Yasmine.

I have nightmares every night, and every night Lissa is there and Sonya is too, through the bond. And every year on their birthday's we go and visit them and talk with them. And every year on their anniversary, May 20, we all go to the cemetery and remember them. We remember our times together, the funny ones, the sad ones, the awkward ones, the day we first met. All of our days together, and since all of our kids are guardians, they go with us too and visit their dad. I'm a grandmother, and my kids have made me proud. The Hathaway Legacy still alive. And Mason and Diandra passing on the Belikov legacy too.

And every year I cry my heart out and wish it was all a dream but it isn't. I miss them every day, every second of the day, I huge part of my heart is missing. My life has changed drastically; I wish I could say it has gotten easier, but it hasn't. Lissa and I go to sleep every night, crying. I've tried to be hard, but how can I when the memory of their death haunts me? I feel their presence every where I go. I turn the corner and they're standing there together laughing with each other. I know its my imagination, but that doesn't stop me from wishing it was. So many words were lost. So many memories that will never exist.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though

Goin' on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' it

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And havin' so much to say

(Much to say)

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do, oh

Oh yeah

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say

(To say)

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you

That's what I was trying to do, ooo. The lyrics to that song are always in my mind because they're true. I would trade so much to see them again and tell them everything I never told them. To hug Chris, but most of all to kiss the lips of Dimitri and to see into his warm, soft, chocolate, brown eyes.

So, all I do every day is hope for they day that both Lissa and I get our happy ending in the world of the dead, since we couldn't get while being alive; Lissa with Chris, and me? Well, me with my Comrade, My Russian jailer, My Russian God, the one and only Dimitri Belikov.

**Ok there I finished! What ya think tell me, just don't hate me! **

**Xxxx **


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